so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize