I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
