I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize