some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
