What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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