I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
