you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
