that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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