The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Randomize
