i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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