God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
