you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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