I'm lost and stupid without you.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
And then my night got REAL pukey
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
