I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
