Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
