Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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