he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
