I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
it glows. i had to have it.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Your penis caused this!
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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