This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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