My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
