what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
