if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
