Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize