You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
