I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
