No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
