we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
