I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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