my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize