my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
