Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
