I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You know, be my cock's hype man.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
