I didn't shave. On purpose
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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