do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
