God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
wow bdsm is so cute
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
