they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
