You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
