Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
