shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
