Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
