he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
