You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
