you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
