I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
