I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
