now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
