Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
