Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
this must be what syphilis tastes like
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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