Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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