Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
