so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
My pussy is not your playground.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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