Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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