Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
