if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
