"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
