it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
