You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
