12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
