Betty ford says i'm here all night
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
