Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
