I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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