woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize