she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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