I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
