For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
