Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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