they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
