I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
