I need help removing her.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
