im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
