If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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