i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
