jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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