its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
