I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
