By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
