I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
