my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
