just tell him i said nine months
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
