why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize