my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
