I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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