When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
