Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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