Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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