At least make sure they are 18
Why
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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