I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
