im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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