So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
