I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
