Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
