I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
